New Years Meh: beating the resolution disappointment.
So it’s well into the first weeks of the new year.
How many resolutions did you set for yourself?
And how many have you already failed at?
Feeling stink? Yeah, you are not alone. However, you’re not a failure my friend: I believe that every new day is effectively a new year and another chance to start again…..Let me explain.
I’ve done it every year: ‘THIS YEAR IS MY YEAR! I’M GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT, GET FIT AND BE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EVER!’
And it’s always the same results and the same disappointed me. SO, this year I’ve decided to do things differently by doing a quick stocktake of what’s worked, what needs to get thrown in the ‘F*ck it bucket’ and what’s going to change. I’m not making resolutions: I’m just re-adjusting my internal GPS tracker. I already know the destination, however throughout my life I’ve ended up down some dodgy side alleys and to be honest, petrol’s expensive.
You see, here’s what I’ve realised….You wake up after another birthday: still the same you. You wake up on January 1st: still the same you. You wake up in a new house, or even a new country and you are still the same you. That’s because clearly, ‘you take you everywhere you go’.
You are the common denominator in all your failures as well as your successes, so this year, I urge you to own both.
Want your best year yet, without the hassle of resolutions or going on an Oprah binge watching tirade? This my friends – I believe – is the mystical secret to success……
Surprise: it’s not rocket science or anything new, but the secret to long lasting change and growth (well longer lasting change than a week trying to stick to a new years resolution) is something kind of, not really, magical….. (Magical because it works)
- Stop obsessing: One of the best things I did was to write a list of things I wanted to achieve by the end of the year, then lose it. A year later when I was packing up and shifting to a new house I found the list and realised I’d inadvertently achieved everything on the list, aside from hosting my own TV show and appearing in a womens magazine. Go figure! Whether it was a case of setting my intention for the year and letting the rest of the plan roll out driven by my subconscious, OR that the list was a physical representation of my inner GPS and subconscious programming, it doesn’t matter. It happened and it was glorious. No obsessing from week to week to make sure I’m on track and hitting my targets. It just happened and it was amazing.
- Go gently: The secret to substantial change is to only try one new behaviour at a time. This was hard for me as I like everything happening NOW, or even yesterday. Patience has never been a word I use unless I’m playing cards. (It’s the name of a card game). With new years resolutions, we normally set a list of things we ‘will and will not do’ and try to implement them all at the same time. That’s about as easy as an alcoholic, p-addict with an eating disorder going cold turkey and heading to a buffet restaurant. It’s just messy. If you hated Olives and decided you wanted to eat them, it takes 10 days to 2 weeks of eating a small amount daily, to get your taste buds adjusted to the flavour. I know this because my mother tried it. To change a pattern of behaviour, it takes around 30-40 days of conscious change to re-write your subconscious programming. Can you imagine how overloaded your brain is by January 3rd as you’ve tried to eat healthy, exercise for 30 minutes a day, not swear as much, drink less coffee, spend less time on Facebook, vacuum more regularly, check the tyres weekly and all the rest of the resolutions you’ve set? It’s a disaster. I lost a substantial amount of weight (30 kgs +) by making 1 change to my eating habits a week. Over a year that’s 52 changes I made, and even if you just made one significant change to your life a month, that’s 12 major moments of transformation you’ve consciously chosen. You rock! Go gently on yourself and remember that you’re here to make life lasting changes. Move away from the buffet…..
- Talk to yourself: I do this all the time. In the car, in the toilet, in the kitchen while I’m cooking, in my head (while I’m supposed to be going to sleep), when I’m out walking….anywhere. In this moment, you give yourself the chance to talk: not the person that talks to the outside world, but the inner voice that is actually the physical voice of your subconscious. Some coaches address this as the ‘inner child’ speaking, but I like to think of it as my intuitive or subconscious voice. If you’re not great at setting resolutions and sticking to them (and let’s face it, very few of us are….) ask yourself ‘what is one thing I can do today to move me forward to the next greatest evolution of me?’ Your inner voice holds your inner GPS. It’s faster than google and has the answers. The challenge I’ve discovered is that for years, other peoples voices and opinions were far louder and drowned out my voice. NOT NOW! I’m listening, she’s got really loud and I’m now relishing the results. FYI: If you stop listening, I’ve discovered that she yells in other ways: headaches, anxiety, upset stomachs and all the rest, so I’m taking time to pay attention. Meditation or power walking helps.
- Create events: Everyday (and I’ve written about this before) I have alerts activating at 9.55 a.m. on my phone to remind me of my affirmations that are helping kick old self limiting beliefs in the ass. A belief is simply a story we keep telling over and over. It becomes the belief system that governs our choices and behaviour and essentially it’s like playing chinese whispers with yourself. Daily reminders are an easy way to up your game and the message is consistent. Phones are amazing tools for this.
- Eat that chocolate: If you have kids you know what happens when you tell them ‘don’t touch that heater’….or ‘don’t run over there….’ It’s an old theory called the ‘Blue Monkey’ theory. Try now to think of a monkey that’s not blue? See what I mean? The theory behind it is a principal called ‘Recency’ shared by great philosopher ‘Carl Jung’. Basically the brain does not register the words ‘no, not or never’ and only the last part of the sentence is retained. That’s why children will ‘run over there’ or touch whatever you told them not to touch. This theory has always blown my mind as I realised that not only could this effect people around me, I can positively affect myself. If you’ve set yourself a resolution to never eat chocolate again, how’s that working for you? Perhaps creating an affirmation around ‘I eat food that nourishes my body’ or something like that could be a consideration? After 30 days of implementing this same behaviour the chocolate wont become an issue any longer. In fact you’ll find you’ll enjoy one piece and that’s enough.
So, my thoughts of resolutions? They can go jump. The secret to success is one change at a time, slowly, slowly…..
Eat the chocolate, go gentle on yourself and remember that every day is a new year. Make this year, the best year yet.
Oh, and say hi to yourself from me. X